Adding a baby to a household is going to be one of the largest transitions you’ll ever make. Whether you are going from a family of two to a family of three or more, a new baby is going to bring so much joy and challenges to your family. One of those challenges is being a wife and a mom to a new-born. Being able to balance the two is a skill that takes time and patience. Since becoming a mom I have learned so much that I didn’t know before. I learned simple ways to love my husband after we had Baby T. I listened to other women’s stories about how they made time for their husbands even when they felt like they didn’t have any time to give.
I believe it is so important to keep your marriage a priority no matter what. Your husband is going to be there even after your kids have moved out, plus having your children watch and observe a healthy marriage gives them security and role models to look up too. As a wife I constantly fall short with loving my husband in the way he needs. I must frequently remind myself to slow down and think of these five ways I can love my husband even with Baby T taking up a lot of my time.
Let him know you are thinking about him.
Isn’t it nice to know that someone is thinking about you? They even make a greeting card that says, “Just thinking about you”. In a podcast I was listening to recently (Love that Lasts) a wife was telling her friends different ways that she lets her husband know that she is thinking of him. She said that she would put a pair of her underwear in his car where he would see them when he went to work in the morning. She said she wanted him to know what he was going to get when he got back home. I love ideas like this. Acts that keep a relationship close but as a new mom they do not take much time.
Little things I like to do for my husband to let him know I am thinking about him are
- Send him a photo of myself while he is at work
- Send him an I love you text
- Write love notes on our mirrors with dry erase marker
- Have his lunch ready for him to take to work in the morning
Letting your husband know that you are thinking of him makes him feel important and loved.
Know his love language.
There are 5 different love languages.
- Words of affirmation
- Quality time
- Receiving gifts
- Acts of service
- Physical Touch
Everyone has one love language that they feel the most loved through. For my husband it is physical touch. I learned this before we had a baby so I was able to express love to him through his own love language. To help my husband feel loved I can give him a five-minute back rub or whenever I am near him just place my hand on him. These expressions of love make a huge difference.
Learn your husbands love language and show love to him in tiny ways using that love language.
Talk about things he likes and listen to what he has to say.
As women we have a tendency to do a lot of the talking, especially when we have been home all day with a baby and no other adults. Actively listening to your husband talk is so important to your marriage.
I like to bring up things that I know my husband wants to talk about and then I just listen (I mean actually listen, not pretending too while getting something else done). My husband loves basketball. If I ask him what he thinks about a certain player or the last game he watched, he will talk for a while and be happy while he does. It makes me love him even more when I get to listen to him talk about his passions.
Listening to your husband gives him your undivided attention.
Never stop dating him.
Just because you have a baby doesn’t mean that you have to stop dating or spending time alone. There are so many different things you could do for date. It could mean staying in and watching a movie together after the baby goes to bed or it could be getting dressed up and going out to eat.
My husband and I consistently kept dating even after Baby T. When she was really little we would bring her to dinner with us and she would sleep through most of it. Now she gets to go visit her grandparents while we get alone time. Not only was dating extremely good for our relationship it was amazing for my mental health after having a baby. I got to get dressed up/ put together to go out in public with the man I love. He loved watching me take time for myself and being able to show me off.
Dating is such a personal thing. It is one on one time that helps bring a marriage closer together.
Continue to build intimacy with each other.
Intimacy: a sense that one could be open and honest in talking with a partner about personal thoughts and feelings not usually expressed in other relationships.
Intimacy is so much more than sex (even though sex helps a lot too) This was something my husband and I struggled with after having Baby T. I didn’t really understand my own mental health after having a baby, so I wasn’t able to express to him my true feelings. We became distant due to a lack of intimacy. Once we realized this was happening we were able to talk through it and became even closer.
Be honest with your husband about what is on your mind. Talk to him, confide in him and trust him.